Meltdown
by sixpointtwoeight
Summary: Fic based off of the Rin song, Meltdown.    Rin and her daughter  also named Rin  are in the beginning of a nuclear war, but Rin can't stop herself from thinking about diving into the nuclear reactor...


Change.

The whole world, basically, is changing.

Anything I can do about it?

No.

Rolling over in bed, I turn on the television, groping around for the remote.

"…And the news about the new nuclear reactor is…" the newsman says.

I press down on the remote. The television turns off.

It's not like I don't want to hear about it… well, yeah, it kind of is. It scares me. The thought of diving into one…

Also, I don't want to wake up Rin- my daughter, not me. She's eight, and a very light sleeper, so basically anything I do will wake my daughter up.

"Mommy?" Little Rin appears in the doorway of my room. I knew I shouldn't have turned on the television.

"Yes?" I ask.

"I'm afraid."

Oh no, not her dreams again.

Rin tells me about another nightmare she had about her mom- me- jumping into a nuclear reactor.

I couldn't tell her that I had just been thinking the same thing.

"Did daddy come back?" she hopefully asks.

I shake my head, trying not to smirk. "Daddy" is Rin's father, a guy that I hooked up with in high school. I couldn't bring myself to tell Rin that the image she has of her dad- a guy so dedicated to his job that he had to move out so he could work 24/7- was false.

Actually, the last time I saw him, he was drunk in the bar outside my apartment building.

I simply ignored him. THAT'S how much I didn't care.

"No, he didn't, Rin. Daddy's still at work. He works at the new nuclear reactor," I fibbed.

I hated lying to Rin, but it would crush her if she knew the truth.

"Let's go visit him!" Rin cheerfully smiles, apparently forgetting her fear of nuclear reactors.

I want to dive into one, though.

We walk outside to the balcony, despite that it's the middle of the night.

I lean over and glance around. Someone's running up stairs- must be one of the crazy neighbors.

Smoke floats around the air, wafting over to Rin and I. She starts to tear up. "Let's go inside," I say, carrying her over my shoulder and back into our apartment.

I tuck Rin back into her bed.

Sometimes, I wish I was eight again; not having the world changing every breathing second of the day.

But then I realize that if I was eight now, the world wouldn't stop changing, it would only seem more dramatic.

Well, that, or it would completely go over my head.

* * *

><p><em>I wrapped my hands around Rin's neck, sobbing. "It's okay Rin, it's okay." I cry. Rin is confused; why is her mom crying? Is it her fault?<em>

_The light of the early afternoon seeps into my eyes, tearing them up even more. "Don't worry Rin; everything's going to be okay!" I cry some more._

_Rin's eyes have small tears in them. She is trying not to cry._

"_Mommy, don't cr-" Rin starts, but before she can finish, her voice is cut off._

_Did I do that?_

_I cry some more, my hands squeezing Rin's neck. _

_She turns blue. What? I'm trying to hug her, not KILL her._

_I slowly remove my hands, wrapping my arms around my back._

_They don't stay there for long. Instead, they form a V over my head, like the position my swimming teacher made us put our arms in to dive, when I was Rin's age._

_Rin begins to mouth something, but slowly morphs into a field at twilight. Standing there is the jerk who I slept with when I was seventeen, aka Rin's "daddy"._

_The sun shines a red color, like the color of my teary eyes. It starts to disappear. The world is dying._

_The jerk reaches out to me, grabs my hand, and soon we're standing in the nuclear reactor. I raise my arms and bend my knees, in the perfect position for a dive off of the diving board of a swimming pool._

_I am standing on top of a ledge. If I wanted to, I could jump._

_It begins as a thought; an idea forming in my mind. Something that Rin would playfully shrug off as "Mommy; don't do that!"_

_I start jumping, diving, moving. I fly through the nuclear reactor, hugged by a beautiful light whist crying. There's no time to regret what I just did; what choice I just made._

_Memories melt away, disappear in their entirety. Soon, everything comes to a stop._

_Nothing is changing, that part has stopped._

_Good. I hated the change._

_I roll over and fall asleep, forever._

* * *

><p>I jolt awake by the bright lights coming through the window. <em>WHAT kind of dream did I just have?<em> I think.

Rin walks into my room, clutching an old teddy bear.

"Mommy? I think the nuclear war's started." She says.

I swear, fairly loudly. Rin scowls. "Sorry," I apologize.

"My teacher says that we shouldn't say those words," she comments.

_Rin, the nuclear war just started. Give me a break, 'kay?_

"Let's go visit Daddy at the nuclear reactor!" she smiles.

"Hell no," I mutter. Rin frowns.

"Mommy, what did I say about those words?"

You know something's messed up when your eight year old daughter lectures you about swearing.

"Sorry, Rin. I'll try not to do it again."

"So, can we go visit Daddy?" she tries.

As much as I want to stay as far away from that damn place as possible, I'm drawn to it. Like the dream I had last night, I want to dive into it.

"Fine," I give in.

I flip on the television while I get ready. Several officials report on the nuclear war.

_It's not to late to say "No, Rin, there's no way that I'm going out during this. Also, your dad doesn't work there. I actually have NO IDEA where he DOES work__, actually. Hell, I barely even remember his last name. I don't think I ever knew what it was in the first place! Sorry I lied!"_

I know that I could never say that to Rin, though. For one, I don't want another lecture about swearing from my daughter.

For another, I want to dive in.

The second hand on the clock ticks. "I'm ready," I say, sighing.

Rin skips out of her room. I turn off the television, grab the car keys, and we leave.

As I drive, I think about how to break it to Rin that her dad doesn't work there.

Maybe I'll get lucky, and he does.

Or, even better, maybe I can just pretend some random guy's her father. I could be like, "Oh, hi! It's been a while since I've seen you. I'm Rin- remember the girl you slept with in high school? Well, you got me pregnant, and I'm here because my- sorry, I mean _our_- kid, also named Rin, 'cause I suck at coming up with names, wanted to meet you."

Can't do that… what _can_ I do?

I'm _this close_ to turning around and heading back home when we arrive.

_Too late!_ I think.

Clutching Rin's hand, we walk inside.

I want to dive into the nuclear reactor.

So I can disappear, sleep, not have the constant change that seems to follow me around everywhere.

Go to a world where nothing changes.

I dive.

* * *

><p>an: Okay, I lied about a new story every week. I couldn't wait to post this one, okay? XD (I'll post another fic Monday, though...)

So... that's the Meltdown fic! Sorry if it's too confusing... Thanks yiseunggi for reviewing most of my other fics and giving me the idea to write a fic for Meltdown!


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